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Annals of Patronising Everything

Mike — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 18:14:19 +0000

We all know know that everything is labelled in line with the principle that, whatever it is, it is fatally dangerous when misapplied; and must therefore be warned of to within an inch of its (and my) life, lest I accidentally snort a litre of toilet cleaner or try to put out a housefire with a teabag. I have just accumulated the latest gem, found on an air-freshener I bought to remove the scent of damp plaster from the flat: “Air fresheners do not replace good hygiene practices”. This means, presumably, that I will have to go and fish my toothbrush out of the bin….

Cornify darklooks.com

Mike — Tue, 16 Mar 2010 23:05:06 +0000

I need to share the love. Please all feel free to Cornify darklooks.com to your hearts’ content.

Films

Mike — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 17:16:29 +0000

So, having never really been one for film, I’m now starting to go all filmnuts. Specifically, I’ve realised I want to see this, this, this, this, this and this; and that tomorrow, all things being equal, I’m going to see this;
and I guess also that I’m slightly dreading this. Oh, and over the last two weeks I’ve been to see this and I’ve also watched this. All of which makes me virtually contemporary and possibly even vaguely up-to-date, which can’t be right. Hmmm.

For those of you who can’t be bothered to click the links, the films in question and in order are:

Tim Burton’s new Alice in Wonderland
Plan B
Dare
The Man Who Loved Yngve
Zombies of Mass Destruction
The Big Gay Musical
A Single Man
The Sorcerer’s Apprentice “starring” Nicholas Cage*
Precious: Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire
Milk

* nb: Nicholas Cage makes me feel nauseous every time he appears on screen. I have no idea why. I’m sure he is a fine and nuanced actor at the peak of his professional powers. But I simply cannot stand him one teensy little bit. And that makes me sad, because I’m not a hater.

Tercet of the day

Mike — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 04:14:17 +0000

Always nice to have a tercet to waft one off. Today’s is owed to the great Denise Riley, from “Wherever you are, be somewhere else” in her 1993 collection Mop Mop Georgette:

Stop now. Hold it there. Balance. Be beautiful. Try.
—And I can’t do this. I can’t talk like any of this.
You hear me not do it.

An occasional feature brought to you by this rattling round inside my head during a bout of insomnia.

Updates to darklooks

Mike — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 22:12:23 +0000

In response to quite literally millions of requests*, two small changes to darklooks. First off, all the photography is now my own, including the Holkham skyline, some books from the library, a sunset in Richmond and some mountains in New Hampshire; and, second, users need no longer log in to comment on posts. Of course if you’d like to you’re extremely welcome, but I’m aware registering is a barrier to entry, and nothing seems to stop the Russian spambots anyway.

That is all. I thank you.

* i.e. zero to one

Blog roles

Mike — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 17:24:44 +0000

I realise I’ve not clarified what goes where in my ever-increasing (but still rarely updated) blog empire. So, personal / cultural / whimsical stuff goes here on darklooks. I reserve the right to be unsafe for the workplace (although by and large I’m a fairly worksafe person). Technical / geeky stuff goes on the Other Side at lightlooks.com, where you are welcome to hang out if you can bear the years between postings.

That is all.

Beardlessness

Mike — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 12:45:27 +0000

I have debearded. Despite my own warnings to myself, I grew significant facial hair and as a result have spent a week in Croatia wishing I had a beard removal device of some sort. I am now sporting a sensible amount of stubble and feeling much better about life. And looking younger and slimmer and more fashionable to boot. In fact, it’s a wonder they haven’t given me an award of some sort. Such is life.

Aphorisms of the day

Mike — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 22:19:54 +0000

Today has been food and strategy. I present to you the perfectly-formed pearls of wisdom which leaked from my brain into the outside world along with one more from someone else which I thoroughly enjoyed.

1) “We’ll still be discussing how many angels will fit on the head of a pin while they’re off buying a sewing machine!” (Relevant in context, I assure you.)

2) In food as in life, you have to be consistently good for a long time to make up for a little while of being bad.” (I have been good, but there have been biscuits.)

Finally a QoTD which will last me for years:

“… and if you walk backwards, you’re… [pause] … going backwards.” Beat. Laughter.

Today is Sweetmorn, the 21st of Chaos, 3175, and I hope you enjoyed it too.

Irony on Amazon

Mike — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 17:08:34 +0000

Look closely…

Where did all the time/money go?

Mike — Sat, 10 Nov 2007 15:34:54 +0000

Actually I’m not quite sure I need to put a post beneath that title. You’re all probably too busy to read it as well.

And in all honesty I must confess the money went to Ikea for stuff I probably didn’t really need as much as I thought I did.