A Few Of My Favourite Things

Full beards on hipsters
And whiskers on barstaff
Skinny black denim and organic woodcraft
Brown shawl-necked cardigans tied up with string
These are a few of my favourite things

Cream-coloured lattes and gluten-free brownies
Fair trade and home-made
Food brings me to my knees
Young men eat Magnums and laugh: such a noise
These are a few of my favourite boys

Students in bell-bottoms, shaggy brown haircuts
Pesto made fresh from green basil and pinenuts
Thoughtful play readings that turn into drinks
These are a few of my favourite things

When the plan fails
When the loss stings
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember my favourite things
And then I don’t feel so bad

Nine silences for a friend

I’ve been reviewing the contents of my slab of old bits of writing. Most of it, of course, is nonsense (for that matter, so’s this), but life is in edit, and I had reason to think of the friend I wrote it for the other day, so here it is again. The original is dated November 2000: I’ve done a minimal amount of touching-up to get it in this form.
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Paleface Maiden

Sat quietly here in Darklooks Mansions, I have been completely unable to get out of my head the snippet of doggerel Ethel Meaker came out with to explain Nadia Popov’s dangerous hayfever to, I think, some native American ghosts who, just to really lay the cultural understanding on thick, could only speak in Longfellowesque trochaic tetrameter:

Paleface maiden is Miss Popov
Known to us as Mighty Sneezer.
She may sneeze and blow your top off —
Treat her gently, do not tease her.

To this day, I can’t find the link between teasing and sneezing. Oh, hang on.

Anyway, had a nostalgic sniffle around IMDB and Wikipedia and found out that Michael Stanniforth (write the theme tune, sing the theme tune….) who also played Mr. Claypole, very sadly passed away in ’87. That’s made me quite glum: I attribute much of my present sense of humour to the low camp of Rentaghost, of which he was a splendid, appropriately mugging exponent. Hmph.