dark looks » Counterfactual

Things I’ve Definitely Not Said in the snow…

Mike — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 16:24:59 +0000

A selection of phrases which have flitted through my mind but not made their way into actual verbal expression for one reason or another today:

“Gosh, a lot of you are actually driving very sensibly” — which is a shame, because a lot of them actually are for once.
“Your strategy of revving it high, throwing it in first and then rapidly releasing the clutch has achieved its predictable effect in making you go sideways. Why do you look so perplexed?” — because not everyone has quite got the hang of it.
“I don’t care, ma’am, if one word from your children could bring peace to the Middle East: I am not walking in the road to avoid them when you have them strung out across the entire pavement.” — because I am not always completely lovely to everyone
“Yes, you’re right; your rear fog intensifier *should* be turned on, even though there is no snow and visibility is perfect. It is, as you so astutely surmise, an infra-red lamp which melts away the snow to the benefit of the driver following you. You are being public-spirited and are not merely an idiot who is blinding everyone.” — because sometimes I’m not above low sarcasm
“Would you like to get in?” — which I would have said, after stopping and opening the boot, to the woman following me home from work, who had dyed her hair three shades darker and whose roots were starting to show. Not that she was close or anything.
“This looks just like a chocolate box” — because it really does, down my road. Smoke curling out of chimneys, tree branches laden with snow, little fox footprints everywhere…

Do feel free to share your own words of wisdom, frustration or delight in the comments….

If you were a theme park….

Mike — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 05:12:32 +0000

Sunday morning discovered me slumped in front of the goggle box after a splendid bash, looking for something I could use to keep my eyes occupied for ten minutes. I found a curious factoid-laden thing about Dolly Parton, which as you would expect mentioned Dollywood. In my hypnagogic state, my mind wandered off after the idea. What would it be like, I wondered, if I had a theme park? What would be in it?
The first thing I realised was there would have to be at least two or three versions. In my Sunday morning state (and as I write this at 5am on Monday, oh dear) there is plainly a need for Version One. Version One is a reasonably large field; it’s free to get in. There are a few trees in a corner, round which are huddled some car-crash drag queens who are slightly tipsy. There is a large but rather characterless 60s library; there is quiet, a graveyard drizzle, and the whole place has the scent of Larkin.
Version Two is more fun. When you show up, you’re given a whole packet of those multicoloured sparklers which Science was kind enough to create for us in the 80s. High energy pop (including of course Italian nonsense and Swedish eurojoy) plays at a non-deafening volume throughout. Candy floss is readily available, and regularly displayed in giant candyfloss rainbows. Unicorns are present. There are rides, which are often curiously calming, but the prevailing provision is of bouncy castles, trampolines, and other magics of the reverberative arts.
Version Three — well, I’m not sure the world is ready for version three just yet, but trust me, it’s really cool.
If you were a theme park, what would it be like? Comments open….

Things I Wish Were True, Part 46 billion

Mike — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 07:44:34 +0000

I’d quite like this image taken from my online banking thingy to be a lot more accurate than it really is…

USians will call this a trillion, UKians who’ve been paying attention will have been calling this a trillion since 1974, and all you lovely Europeople will call it a billion.

When I hit refresh, I lost something over £1,000,000,000,000. Trust me, that stung.

It’s All Because the Gays Are Getting Married

Mike — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 21:47:54 +0000

via Queerty

Th’road into Winter

Mike — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 18:13:44 +0000

Spotted this as I planned my escape route from Denver into the Rockies for next week….

Google Maps image taken in two seasons

It’s a good job…

Mike — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 19:20:08 +0000

… that I didn’t go out and buy a Sony PRS-505 the other day. If I had, I’d have been tempted to eschew Sony and Waterstones’ generous promise that prices will be “Much the same as normal paperbacks” by finding a copy of, say, Neal Stephenson’s new opus Anathem on a site like Fictionwise (because Waterstones only have it in hardback and couldn’t bear the thought of cannibalising their own sales… another industry finds its Inner Dinosaur), pay for it in US Dollars, then use DRM removal tools in order to get it into a format the Reader can handle. And then not only would I have it the moment it came out, for less than the hardback price, instantly and conveniently, having saved Waterstones the trouble of trundling it around the country (and the planet the CO2 that that would have cost), but I would probably also be utterly engrossed in the doings of Fraa Erasmas and virtually unable to conduct my own life because of this engrossment.

Phew! What a relief that DRM keeps us from nightmare scenarios like this, eh?