- The first hotel did not have a room
- … and thought my distinctly feminine roomie was a bloke …
- … so OF COURSE we couldn’t share a double bed! because that would be, y’know, like, GAY or something …
- The second hotel only had one wedding on
- Their bar and indoor swimming pool shared a room. Stinging-eyes cocktail bonus!
- Wait, their bar and indoor swim… never mind.
- They did a buffet English breakfast…
- … but waiter “service” for toast and coffee …
- … which therefore arrived shortly after I’d finished my main breakfast …
- … which I had to complete by 0930 ON A BANK HOLIDAY SUNDAY for some completely incomprehensible “reason”
- … and my plate was removed from in front of me while I was still eating.
- Fortunately the wedding party only set the fire alarm off twelve times at 1am
Moral of story:
Do not stay in tourist hotels. Ring ahead and check that they think they’ve sold you what they’ve actually contracted to supply. Never dip below four stars.
I feel like a freed hostage.
