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(”Mystifying” by the way used as an adjective.)

1. To pack, simply sort through your belongings and throw 50% of them out, until you have twice what you started with
2. Whilst packing, you will suddenly remember your favourite shirt/blouse/t-shirt and, despite not having thrown a single piece of clothing out for the last 20 years, will be utterly unable to find it
3. You will make a careful and concise list of what goes into each box, and will label each box clearly with its own unique code. Even as you are doing this, you know with a chilling insight that your list will be wrong and the boxes will somehow arrive unlabelled.
4. As you unpack the contents of your previous studio flat into your new 12 bed semi in Berkshire, you will realise rapidly that there isn’t enough space for all your stuff.
5. If, upon unpacking, you actually look at anything as you take it out, you will think that at least 50% of it could be thrown out, and will wonder why you didn’t do that before you moved
6. All of this will be uppermost in your mind while you are in the process of moving. Having moved, it will settle back down in your mind with other interesting facts you don’t use every day (how to programme the video-tape recorder, which FM frequency Radio 4 is found on in Cheltenham, and the fact that my phone number when I was seven was “Weasenham St. Peter 306″, I kid you not) and in consequence you will approach your next move with a happy-go-lucky and inordinately perilous sense of impending success.
7. Estate agents cannot tell “up” from “down”, “front” from “back” nor, I suspect, in some cases, “arse” from “elbow”

“Like the Murphy’s, I’m not bitter.”